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Monday, May 01, 2006
Hello... Sigh...i'm feeling upset now...my closer friends will know that i live with my grandparents, instead of my parents ever since i was young. now that i've grown up, my granny has often tried to ask me to go back to live with my parents...but the truth is, i'm quite frightened of my parents...maybe cos the closeness isn't there...i get quite nervous when my mum calls me on my mobile, always living with the fear of her scolding me...urgg... Sometimes i envy my friends who can just openly show their displeasure to their parents...like talking back?...not that i like to talk back, but there're 2 extremes in my family...on 1 hand, there's my granny, who cannot stand any form of displeasure at all, and when i'm angry, i can't really let go of my feelings...if i do, she will get even angrier...and it always ends in her crying, saying how unfilial i am...and that always makes me feel like shit.....resulting in me saying i'm sorry...when deep in my heart, i know i don't think i've done wrong...but i feel like shit for making her cry....urgg..and she will always use this tactic against me...freak... as for my mother, i don't really feel close to her...i'm closer to my grandma...my mum expects me to argue back when she scolds me...but i don't do that cos i just don't feel like responding...i just keep quiet when she scolds...then she gets angrier...she screams at me to say why do i not reply her...but the thing is, i really don't have anything to say in response!!...urgg...i wish someone could just understand me a bit.. I love collecting Knives, and i think ALMOST ALL my friends know that...but the thing is, my granny is against my collecting knives, and she scolds me for wasting money when she sees me buy knife magazines home to read...haiz...when i was young, she was against another hobby of mine too, and i ended up giving up the hobby...many a time i've thought of giving up collecting knives as a hobby too, but haven't yet...if i really give this hobby up, i feel i will have nothing to excite me in life...haiz!!! urgg...i feel horrible now!!!...
++ quoth dragonfly at 7:33 AM |