Wednesday, January 31, 2007
This is so true about the true love part manz..
++ quoth dragonfly at 7:56 PM
I really can't grasp what the lecture's all about...so much so that sometimes i get more out of asking my friends to explain to me, as opposed to listening to the lecturer..
Well, firstly, gotta thank some friends for helping me out with my homework..
-Benjamin: for explaining much to me last night.
-Alvin: for trying to explain to us..but err...haha
-Weizhen=): for trying to help..
and most of all, thanks Jiajun for coming down to help me this morning, and lending me your calculator too..so sorry for making you wake up, and come down so early when u're not feeling well..
Oh well, i was 40 minutes late for lect, but apparently, that's alright..haha...camy din even come for lect...
well, my mind's pretty random now..so i'm just rattling off things that pop into my mind. This morning Weizhen=) told me about a poster she saw..apparently my church's chang an mu shi is coming to nus to give a talk on the issue "If God is Love, why is there suffering"...I think i really want to go attend it...i guess it'd answer a question of mine too..which is "why does God allow so much pain to be in me?"...sigh..alright..shan't elaborate further..last night i had a good talk with __..it seems that it's always when we almost end up quarelling that we really get a chance to talk things out..it's good actually, but...ya..it's sometimes very stressful...i guess i should really try to just push her out of my life..maybe then she will look at me in a better light..oh well, i'm really tired...really really tired..sometimes i wonder, what if i had never started liking her?..what if i had stuck to the first girl i liked, would i be in the same situation now?...actually, maybe yes...i think i should really close that part of my heart up..right now, if you ask me what brings me the biggest joy, it's the 3 kids..they really make me feel happy..well, i dunno...God, don't just show me a sign...teach me how to live the life you want me to...or is the pain i feel intended?..draw me back to you Lord...I'm injured, and i need your caring hands to nurse me back to who i was...Help me Lord..
++ quoth dragonfly at 7:05 PM
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Urgg..this's such a piss-off!..i went all the way down to bukit batok driving centre, only to be told that i can't register with my 11B, as they need my ic to verify my home address..all the way down for nothing..but the good thing is that it pushed me to really need to get my ic back..this lady took it from me, and has been delaying the return of the ic..drats!..
oh well, now i'm awaiting bus 95 to go to school for my p.i tutorial, which is the only lesson i have for today..had to cancel my percussion lessons which were originally scheduled for today due to time constraints..
hmm, one good thing that i realised is that i seem to be able to control my emotions better now, and to at least keep some parts of myself private, and inaccessible to other people. After 23 years roaming this planet, i've finally realised the need for one to keep to himself.
this morning, i woke up, and realised that last night i forgot to say my prayers prior to going to bed..actually, my spiritual walk hasn't been very good, and for a long time, i was actually refusing to put another foot forth, primarily due to 2 reasons. the first being that i was lazy, and simply procrastinating; but the second being that i was very well aware that God wanted to take full control of my life in all aspects, and i was simply reluctant to let him do so..I still stuck to holding on to my life, and trying to figure things out myself. Well, i guess that it's finally dawned upon me that i was basically screwing things up for myself..i mean, look at me now, i hardly have any friends whom i can really talk to, and hang out with. I'm sorry that i screwed things up for 3 of my friends..of whom i betrayed their trust in me through various ways...and for some of my friends, i've probably irritated you in various ways..to you=), i really don't know..i really can't make out whether you treat me as a close friend, or something else..you seem to make me feel that you know me best, but sometimes you simply make me feel as though i'm a person you absolutely detest..yes you do..=)...cheers..
oh well, so many thoughts run amok inside my head now...okay, perhaps amok isn't exactly the right description..oh well, sometimes i wonder..in life, exactly how much of ourselves can/should we actually reveal to others, and exactly how much of our true self can we portray to others..at different stages of my life, i actually had different sets of friends whom i opened up to..and i never really had a friend i could say i "grew up with"..which is a sad thing cos i always have so much of myself which i wish to share with others, but the wind's always my only audience..i guess ultimately, life's all about myself and God..nothing else matters, and nothing else should.
don't really feel like talking to anyone else now..hmm..so there.
++ quoth dragonfly at 11:58 PM
Saturday, January 27, 2007
what is existence?..if one day, a friend whom you have known for years just disappears from your life suddenly, would you notice?..if a person has left this world, by the time you realise it, will you still be in time to attend the final farewell?..or would the next time you see him be when you look at the picture on the tombstone?..would the final story of his life that you will ever know be the words inscribed as his epitath?..
what is existence?..if you never ever had a photo taken with any of your friends, why not take the chance to do so today?..what if tomorrow that friend leaves on the flight to eternity?..and all that's left of him is a strand of memory?..in ten years time, would you even remember how he looks like?..would his face be reduced to a generic flat burred oval with a pair of eyes, a nose, and a mouth?..life, what is it but a dream...am i just a blurred part of her dream?..am i even a part of her dream?..if you say knowledge is power, i tell you here that i am powerless now..
++ quoth dragonfly at 7:39 AM
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Hmm...gave the 3 kids tuition yesterday, and i enjoyed it..haha..though jabez spoilt my pencil-lead holder, but it's okay..didn't tuition them in english yesterday, but instead we did maths..bought paul this book which is kinda like a TYS..but contains psle papers from 2002 till 2006..hope it helps him get a good grade for his PSLE at the end of this year..
We played a little with the frisbee too, after tuition..and paul gave me 3 bomb-bags..haha..i used to play with those when i was young..hmm..he asked me to place them in my dad's car to scare him..heh..well, i'm just gonna keep them as keepsakes..haha..
hmm..chatted with paula last night over the phone too..thanks for listening to me, and thanks for praying for me..i really appreciate that..i'm gonna try make myself more busy, so that i can keep my mind occuppied, and forget all my sorrows..also, i'm glad that i managed to inspire you through my sharings..and i hope you'll continue to score for your GP!..
this morning i woke up to a barrage of scoldings from my granny..she's conceerned about my health..somehow becos of my busy schedule, i hardly have any time to rest..and she feels that i should sleep more..well, ever since young, i've always not liked to sleep..to me it's a waste of time..haha..i reckon that i live longer if i sleep less..that's because i have a greater number of conscious hours per day..and thus my life is relatively "longer"..but well, that's just my theory..for me, i kinda wish that one day i could be able to live in the total absence of sleep..that would give me so much more time to think of ways to achieve what i want to do..
next thing..I realized i kinda lack an area of specialization..that is: i lack the existence of something which i can really do well, and excel in...right now i have the passion for percussions, and it's something i would really like to hone my skills in, and hopefully one day be able to as Faiser Florez puts it, play together with other professionals..maybe that would also let sydney see something in me?..
went to Art Friend to check out the pottery Hand-Wheels yesterday too..found one which is pretty good, heavy, sturdy and with a smooth spinning action..but it's pretty expensive..and would set me back by $140++..gotta go check up the feasability to have pots fired in Mr Lim's kiln too, before i can start pottery lessons for jabez proper..it's nice that he likes art too..really hope that i can nurture the 3 kids, and be a part of their growing up process...
well, here are the skills i wish to pick up/hone in 2007:
I really hope i can manage to successfully do so..
and here are the things i hope i can do to rake in some money:
Currently, the only one which i've really been getting a steady income from is Teaching..and well, one can never ever really get enough money..
well, blogging from my cellphone is cool..heh..i've actually been blogging-on-the-go for the past hour, and it kinda just fits in nicely with my time..and i've just reached school..=)..well, one last thought of mine..that's about music...i don't know if i've ever mentioned this, but music's very important to me..to me, music has the ability to transport me from my present and very real surroundings, to a place which is within this world, yet out of it..for example, when i plug in my headphones to my psp, and put them on, the music engulfs me. I still see what's happening around me; i still feel the heat trying to melt me down, but somehow i feel detached from it all..it's as though i've transcended everything..and i'm just drifting around,,as an observer...the feeling is simply awesome...=)
help me believe in fairytales once again...
++ quoth dragonfly at 8:07 PM
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Teach me to believe in fairytales..hmm..give me hope..Lord, teach me to understand 1st Corinthians..teach me what is love; teach me how to love...nurture me too Lord, so that this barren tree i am will be able to bear fruits, the fruits of the spirit of Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness & Self-Control..
I'm listening to some songs in the cab now..just heard "Tong2 Hua4", & listening to "I Believe I Can Fly", by R Kelly..songs which neverr fail to give me a minute dose of hope..Teach me what to do to gain the Love and Trust of the girl i love=)..hmm..maybe after trying secular methods for so many years, i should probably try the christian-way of letting go..and depend on God's providence..
i want to believe in fairytales,
++ quoth dragonfly at 6:10 PM
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Hmmz...I haven't had the time to post much recently, too busy with school stuff, tuition, and other stuff..well, firstly, I'm getting in another new knife in...the Emerson Specwar Knives CQC7, similar to the one pictured above, with the exception that mine has the Diamond Logo instead. Kinda excited about this, and currently saving money like mad to pay for it. It should come in around Chinese New Year..and I actually hope that it comes slightly later..like March?..That would be a good time because I'll probably have saved up the money by then..It's gonna set me back by $1,888..with this knife, i'll have 2 models from Ernie's CQC series.(Currently i have a zero-edge CQC9).
Well, some updates on what I have been up to..firstly, school stuff..for my friends, you should know that i'm in NUSS' Arts and Social Sciences Club as an MC member. Currently we have a few programmes coming up, of which i'm in charge of logistics for a particular Bike Quest. We had a recce last saturday, and it really tired me out!..But i guess i kinda enjoyed it.
Next, I've also been busy as my cousin came over from Taiping, Malaysia. She was here since last wednesday, and will be leaving tomorrow..kinda sad too cos i haven't had the time to properly bring her around as i promised to, but i was really too caught up with school stuff and all..sorry Sharon!..
Well, next up, I have been having mood swings again these few days, and sometimes i have really hit some low points again...sigh..some friends might know what i'm talking about..thanks..=)..today whilst watching tv, i came across this quote, which i really feel is so meaningful.."you may not have any feelings for me, but you cannot doubt my sincerity" ...at least, to me, it echoes what i wish i could have said...alright..dun wana dwell on this topic...always makes me sad..like i said, i'll wait..
hmm...k..on a happier note, i'm quite happy with my tuition assignments..for Jane, it's interesting teaching her because we go thru the points that she can bring up in her essays...though i feel a little stressed sometimes cos i fear i may be inadequate..for zelin, it's good cos we're making progress...teaching him how to write proper paragraphs now..for the 3 kids, i always enjoy teaching them...gonna teach jabez pottery too!..teaching them is always one of the core highlights of my week..
finally, last sunday i enjoyed worship, and i was so happy when weizhen=) smsed me to say that my percussion lessons are doing me good..=)..well, i guess that's about all..got to go sleep already..good night dear readers..
++ quoth dragonfly at 7:42 AM
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
actually i have a lot on my mind..but somehow i just don't feel like sharing much..hmm..so i shall just put it down in point form..
1: =( Sharon can't come to Singapore...he Identity Card got broken, and she can't renew her passport as a result..
2: =) Last friday after tuition, I played board games with the kids till 11+pm..haha...that was fun...i shall bring the frisbee over this friday..
3: =O NUS lost a Sociology lecturer yesterday, who died in office.
4: =) Today was tiring travelling to NJC, CJC, NYJC, SRJC, YJC..but twas quite fun too...got to chat with TK..
5: =) Apple came out with a new phone today, dubbed the "iPhone", scheduled for release this June..
6: =) Recieved praises for our Arts Club publicity..which rocks!
7: = Somehow I'm feeling Glum again...and moody...times like this always make me feel less worthy, and somewhat useless..
8: =) I was appointed RAG2007 Deputy Project Director for the "Tech" side
9: = Should be going with Paula to Sungei Buloh this sat?...yes?/no?..
10: =( I really ought to sleep liao...Night..
P.S: Paula, I'm really surprised that you posted a comment as "Paila"...
++ quoth dragonfly at 7:53 AM