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Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Urgg..this's such a piss-off!..i went all the way down to bukit batok driving centre, only to be told that i can't register with my 11B, as they need my ic to verify my home address..all the way down for nothing..but the good thing is that it pushed me to really need to get my ic back..this lady took it from me, and has been delaying the return of the ic..drats!.. oh well, now i'm awaiting bus 95 to go to school for my p.i tutorial, which is the only lesson i have for today..had to cancel my percussion lessons which were originally scheduled for today due to time constraints.. hmm, one good thing that i realised is that i seem to be able to control my emotions better now, and to at least keep some parts of myself private, and inaccessible to other people. After 23 years roaming this planet, i've finally realised the need for one to keep to himself. this morning, i woke up, and realised that last night i forgot to say my prayers prior to going to bed..actually, my spiritual walk hasn't been very good, and for a long time, i was actually refusing to put another foot forth, primarily due to 2 reasons. the first being that i was lazy, and simply procrastinating; but the second being that i was very well aware that God wanted to take full control of my life in all aspects, and i was simply reluctant to let him do so..I still stuck to holding on to my life, and trying to figure things out myself. Well, i guess that it's finally dawned upon me that i was basically screwing things up for myself..i mean, look at me now, i hardly have any friends whom i can really talk to, and hang out with. I'm sorry that i screwed things up for 3 of my friends..of whom i betrayed their trust in me through various ways...and for some of my friends, i've probably irritated you in various ways..to you=), i really don't know..i really can't make out whether you treat me as a close friend, or something else..you seem to make me feel that you know me best, but sometimes you simply make me feel as though i'm a person you absolutely detest..yes you do..=)...cheers.. oh well, so many thoughts run amok inside my head now...okay, perhaps amok isn't exactly the right description..oh well, sometimes i wonder..in life, exactly how much of ourselves can/should we actually reveal to others, and exactly how much of our true self can we portray to others..at different stages of my life, i actually had different sets of friends whom i opened up to..and i never really had a friend i could say i "grew up with"..which is a sad thing cos i always have so much of myself which i wish to share with others, but the wind's always my only audience..i guess ultimately, life's all about myself and God..nothing else matters, and nothing else should. don't really feel like talking to anyone else now..hmm..so there. dragonfly.
++ quoth dragonfly at 11:58 PM |