Saturday, April 07, 2007
so many things happened..i don't really know where to start...God, if u can read this, wouldn't u just kill me?...what's the rationale behind making me suffer so much?..WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!...i've changed into a person who really is just against everything in this world...i've just lost interest in everything too.. God, i hate myself for who i am..and i hate the fact that you allow all these to happen to me..God...I used to pray for u to aid me in some things..u never did...now all i have left to say when i pray to you is "HELP!"...I don't understand you Lord....why put a person into my life, let me fall in love with that person, let that person reject me, let me take it really badly, let me try killing myself, let me totaly become disillusioned...god, what's your problem?!..don't torture me anymore...i'm at the point where i totally don't see any possible hope..I don't feel christian at all!...christians are supposed to be much stronger, able to handle things properly..i'm NOT!!!...are u using me to show your miracles?..i wish it was the case...but tell me, how on earth, is anyone ever gonna be drawn to u thru me?!..God, u know what's my biggest wish now?..that i get amnesia!..yes, that is my biggest wish, cos only then can i forget all the hurt..God, my heart is DEAD!, but it's still in pain. Why me God?...why???????????????
God, if u could have given me brothers i grew up with, at least i could have had someone to talk to. God, you gave me parents who were too busy for me, and now, i can't talk to them abt my sadness..i dun feel close to them at all. God, i have nobody i feel close to!..god, you really have made my life a totally horrible one..God, i have nothing to live for anymore...i hate my life..end it.
I'm stressed...i've no real frens in this world. they've either left, or betrayed me. my house isn't a place of refuge either. I don't feel any joy there, i don't find any solace there. it's just empty too. school results are horrible for me too, and in arts club, i dun feel appreciated. i'm just always the sai-gang person, the banner monkey..have i made real frens in there?..no. in church, i'm a loner too..i'm always left out when there are things going on. when there's soccer, the whole church knows, except me...this sucks...i'm tired...God, take me...
this dragonfly's wings are broken. it flies no longer.
++ quoth dragonfly at 11:33 PM