Monday, August 13, 2007
hmm..it's good to have a diary, and to blog on the go actually...kinda cool, plus it's often during these long bus rides that i start to ponder, start to brood. Oh well, much has happened within the past few months, and there were times when i was on cloud nine, and there were also times when i felt down in the dumps..but nontheless, i've made it through..stronger? Weaker?...only God knows. Somehow i've managed to leave more of my pains, my worries to God. And that has made life somewhat much simpler, and less stressful. "God Will Provide"...these 3 words have been echoing in my head constantly for months...and to a large extent, they provide me some comfort, knowing that there's a being out there looking out for me.
Well, RAG's over, and the submarine i created didn't win anything..and i guess i'm kinda sad it didn't...to be honest, i broke down and cried a couple of times at rag day itself. But till this day i'm still uncertain why i cried..maybe because i was disappointed?..maybe because i was relieved that it was over?..maybe because i had wanted to dedicate the award(if we had won any) to Jay who died a year ago? Maybe i cried cos of fatigue?...i don't know...well, want to really thank Mathias, Eric, Weiling for coming down to support, and of course, Weizhen=) too...after spending such long months with my rag friends, i really missed the company of church people, especially my closer church friends..thanks "hao xiong di=)"...
During Rag, i had a friend i got quite close to, and i'd kinda hoped that things would work out in the sense that i'd hoped i had found someone to share my life with, but as always, it was not to be so...oh well, it's okay, like i told "pal" last night, i've decided that i've tried enough...and i've accepted the fact that somethings just ain't meant to be mine. I guess i could say that i've given enough of myself, i've waited long enough, and it all didn't work out. I guess God has better plans for me single for life..honestly, i'm tired too..i don't think i'll ever be sweet and caring to any girl now even if she stepped into my life..well, maybe?..but even if so, it'd probably only be for that one girl, the one star in my life...but i guess that's slipping back to the one way road again?...whatever...
Right now, the one thing i know i'm sure of is that the 3 kids bring me the greatest joy in my life. Last Thursday at Rag, i was so tired, not just physically, but emotionally too..and then the kids came...and they really brought the smile to my face, and the hop to my feet...well, they just made me very happy...right now they're still so young...and there's both pros and cons to that..i just wonder how they'd be like when they grow up..Paul's entering his teens soon, and that would mean that i can soon bring him out more to go trekking maybe?..and other stuff...he's started asking me funny questions like who's my gf..etc..haha...funny guy...oh well, i'm just super thankful to God for putting the 3 kids in my life..sometime years down the road, there'll be a day when i'm old, nearing my end, and i'll ask the 3 kids out, then with their own families, and we'll go cycling, and we'd reminisce about the times i used to bring the 3 of them out cycling..that'd be nice..
Oh well, i'm reaching school soon..meeting ben for lunch later at 2pm after my class...so for now, that's all...
Life, What is it but a Dream?
++ quoth dragonfly at 9:17 PM