Every fucking day i wake up, and almost every day feels like the end of the world....dammit....i woke up this morning, and it was just as bad...i'm feeling increasingly isolated in a world of my own...nobody knows what i'm going through, nobody really understands me...what the hell am i still doing alive?...i don't really know...maybe it's just the 3 beacons of hope in my life keeping me alive still...Doing business isn't easy...it so fucking isn't easy at all...not easy to start up, and everything you do costs money....and money is making me very very vexed....dammit....haven't spoken much to my family since years, and they probably know the least about my thoughts, and the problems i face...they try to support me, but sometimes the way they do it just isn't what i need...and this just makes things worse...almost everything in my life is a failure...what a waste of resources i am...i've lost interest in many many many things....somehow knives also fail to keep my attention for long...i may get a new knife, but after a while it just becomes yet another knife...the only knife that remains special is cos of the sentimental value attached to it...that's the one i designed for Paul. What's happening to me?...truly i don't know...is it true that when a person's going to die he will somehow cause many people to hate or dislike him?..is that how nature works?...so that when the person dies, not many people will feel sad, cos they remember him as a bastard that they couldn't really stand, someone who never really fit in?...cos that theory seems to fit in where i am...

am i a failure in life?...i sure feel as though i am...i feel like a broken off branch that has landed in the river...useless, and powerless....what the hell man....somehow these are the laws of nature which i feel are true in life today:

1: Everyone is out to take something from you
2: Women are bitches
3: Romance is a fucking lie put up by fucking corporations to profit from it
4: Everyone is out not to help, but to hurt.
5: Each time you tell someone something about yourself, you're exposing yourself to harm and greater damage.
6: Life is a zero-sum game...there is no neutral ground. To win, you just have to cause the other to lose.
7: The world is full of fakes...so why bother being real?

that's all i have to say..
Bye.